Something has been bugging me lately. Not really bugging me - might be the wrong word, but made me pondering; once again I had to turn my friendlist round and realize who is there for ME and who I most likely will be best living without!
I have done this a couple of times in my life. Not because im fond of it - but because I also realized, that real good and close friends not necessary are those you are together with 12/52/7/24 ... ??
I had friends like that - had them for 5 years now. They were wifes to my x-husbands friends. We met every week - were sitting there 4 couples at least - with all the children .. at least as many as grown-ups. The talk was always about money, what investments to make next time, what new things to build on the houses, what car to buy when the new babies came etc. That MIGHT be interesting ... but I was sitting there, looking at the whole set-up knowing, that one of the wifes has been cheating on her husband, the other was about to be left by hers last year because she was over-shopping the Visa dry, the third one always whined and cried because her husband watched Porn on the pc ... and so on ... ! Maybe Im just rough? But if you whine? Do something about it. DONT sit week after week pretending to be the perfect family! We could NEVER talk deeper than, how much damage last birth did to the poor mother ... or about what child was plagued about getting teeths ... ! And yes I know, Im not (and will never be) the perfect housewife! But not beeing interested in talking about nappies, chapped nipples and diapers all the time, doesnt make me a bad mother .. does it??
And while I was watching this theater week after week I realized, that I was about to waste away my life! Then I found excuses to keep away from the weekly family-meetings! And that ALSO made me feel bad - well, kind of!
When I left my husband none of these friends asked me why. They all considder me to be the weirdo! They DID though say to people I know, and Im sure with an envy feeling, that I must have at least 10 lovers out there, I was evil and out of my mind, i was blind against realities - a bad mother to drag away the children from their father, that I had everything I needed and they kept on going! Im the bad *guy*! Well, the thing is - and this is kind of scaring. Even though we DID meet that often - they DID call me from time to time (before leaving x), they ALWAYS remembered my kids birthdays and I could keep on - I dont miss one single girl in that society?
The closest and dearest friends I have, I meet once or twize a month. I known them for a LOT of years. They know me - and we are able to talk about much - to me - deeper things. I even have friends who call me when Im sad - because they somehow know! Thats the kind of friends I like to keep. They really make my life richer!
And then I have a lot of other friends, I never met! But people I do talk with everyday. Among them a lot from
PE. Dunno why - but we are also able to be close in another but very inspiring way!
I decided NOT to contact the people I dont feel i will be missing in my life! I have thought about it a lot! And when coming to the conclusion - and after talking to the people I really love - I feel so much lighter and relieved.
Thanks to you all - With lot of love
(A dear pe-friend of mine gave me these thoughts the other day; when saying he didnt feel he had many close friends, and he felt kind of alone. I came to the conclusion; its not about the number of friends. Its about how deep your connection is to the friends you got!)