[Usurper]

MURPHY'S LAW: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Murphy's First Corollary: Left to themselves,
things tend to go from bad to worse.

Murphy's Second Corollary: It is impossible to make
anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious

Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in
direct proportion to its value

Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:
Everything goes wrong all at once.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage Time flies
like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

Firestone's Law of Forecasting: Chicken Little
only has to be right once.

Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming
to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Grizzard's truism: The trouble with most jobs is the job
holder's resemblance to being one of a sled dog team.
No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.

Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for
work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you
will have a flat tire.

O'Toole's Commentary: Murphy was an optimist.

Scott's Second Law: When an error has been detected
and corrected, it will be found to have been correct
in the first place.

Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works,
something has gone wrong.

Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the experiment's result,
there will always be someone eager to:
(a) misinterpret it.
(b) fake it. or
(c) believe it supports his own pet theory.

Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data,
the figure most obviously correct, beyond all
need of checking, is the mistake.

Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up,
anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything
happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Rudin's Law: In crises that force people to choose among
alternative courses of action,
most people will choose the worst one possible.

Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit.

Ehrman's Commentary Things will get worse before
they will get better.
Who said things would get better?

Commoner's Second Law of Ecology: Nothing ever goes away.

Howe's Law: Everyone has a scheme that will not work.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan
them is to use a bigger can.

Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield
negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.

Klipstein's Law: Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally
toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
Interchangeable parts won't.
You never find a lost article until you replace it.

Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness: The perceived usefulness
of an article is inversely proportional to
its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.

Lewis' Law: No matter how long or hard you shop for an item,
after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
You get the most of what you need the least.

The Airplane Law: When the plane you are on is late,
the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

Etorre's Observation: The other line moves faster.

O'Brien's Variation: If you change lines, the one you just
left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.

The Queue Principal: The longer you wait in line, the greater the
likelihood that you are in the wrong line.