NEVERDIE's Hollywood Adventures

[NEVERDIE]

NEVERDIE's Hollywood Adventures. ( copyright 2007 all rights Reserved)

WARNING!

NC 17

This thread contains Foul language and Graphic sexual situations also some blasphemy and bizarre ideas about the nature of life itself. Please do not read it, if u may be offended

Thursday October 25th 2007

I got back last night from Los Angeles, primary reason for the visit was to attend E for All Expo and announce the launch of the Massive multiplayer Online World Championships, I have a follow up call tomorrow with Spike TV to see what kind of coverage of the Event they can do. A key thing to come out of the show for me was a brainstorm session with some of the players and the idea to move the mmowc final from Miami to las vegas and host it in conjuncution with the CES trade show that mindark will be attending in january '08. It is one of the biggest gatherings of consumer and tech press in the world, so a definate opportunity to raise the profile of the event...

I was in LA with my Wife Cheri and my baby daughter Sheba, my son Taliesin also traveled by plane from Oregon, where he is staying with his grandparents to join us for the weekend. It was good to have my family together again if only for the weekend. Taliesin is going to stay in school through second grade in Oregon while i handle the logistics of moving my family from Miami to LA...

The plan was just to look around at a few apartments, so Cheri could get a feel for the westside and then make the move in january, But we found a great apartment in Santa Monica half a block from the beach with a heck of a Move In Deal " Two months free Rent!"

So we took it and moved in on the Spot... Ended up spending a week on the floor...

It was really exciting to be back in LA to feel the buzz of the entertainment business...Cheri lived most of the last 10 years in New York and she's been going stir crazy in Miami, so moving to LA is very important for her sanity too, shes finishing her debut album and she needs to start promoting it.

I've been in Miami too long, I feel like im living in a tropical cave. I need to put NEVERDIE to the test.
See how far I can go with him in the real world.

NEVERDIE was conceived in Los Angeles in 1999 before my son was born. I was playing Everquest at the time and i was convinced that the real cash trade in virtual items was going to be massive in the future... I was thinking of writing a script about it, when Jean Claude Van Damme got in touch with me through a producer friend of mine with whom we had both worked.

I had got alot of publicity for this crazy movie i had made called Lucinda's Spell and Van Damme was thinking maybe he should try something more off beat.. Instead i pitched him a futuristic action movie called Roleplayer set in 2010 about a fictional character NEVERDIE who is like the indiana Jones of MMO's he plays all the real cash video games and makes millions, he's as famous as Tiger Woods and then this big company hires him to beta test a billion dollar virtual World and he picks a team of the best gamers in the world to go on a quest with him and they all get fucked up!

When i wrote it, the part of NEVERDIE was for Van Damme, in the script he was called Jean NEVERDIE Baptiste... I worked on the screenplay through until the Summer of 2000 and then things fell apart with Van Damme. After that i started working on it with my friend Tarwynn Tattersall she is married to a Very good friend of mine David Tattersall who I made my first three short films with... David went on to become a huge Hollywood Director of photography. Among other things he shot The last Star Wars triology Episodes I, II and III... An agent got involved and so did another writer, but they really didnt get the whole conept of real cash gaming and the script lost its its focus and i lost interest in the script... i just didnt know what to do with it.

it was around that time that i first read about project Entropia in PC Gamer magazine, a tiny blurb about upcoming MMORPG'S, I can still see in my mind the Page and Project Entropia at the bottom of the list... I think the words "Built in Real cash Economy" is what did it!

I almost had a brain Seizure, it was exactly what i was looking for. I quickly looked it up online, it wasn't even in Beta yet, but there were forums and a whole bunch of socities were being formed ready to colonize calypso, it was kind of overwhelming coz im really a solo style player, like everyone else I signed up for Beta and I started to track the development of Project Entropia religiously after that......

When Entropia Finaly entered public beta and I created my account I decided to name my avatar Jon NEVERDIE Jacobs, I chose to use my real name becasue I felt like i was entering a new Reality not just a game and i decided to call myself NEVERDIE because in my mind that name belonged to ultimate Avatar...

I never expected what happened next.... I was just playing the game like everyone else, in fact as usual I was getting my ass kicked by the power gamers. They always seemed to manage to Power level while I just enjoyed being a jack of all trades an explorer and an adventurer, in EQ i was drawn to the shaman profession coz of the mix of abilities... I knew that held me back from advancing quickly so I never really expected NEVERDIE to become a Star in Entropia, the fact that I was the first player to complete a full set of Shadow Armor and that i was armed with a nifty PreGold Imp MK II and a Mod Fap didnt hurt, but i still wasnt hunting round the clock and i didnt have the expertise and knowledge of the Powergamers, players like Angel, Gem and Lady, but i was still a force to be reckoned with... No what really, really did it was something else, something unexpected... It was a little song I used to sing to my fiance Tina who loved playing as much as I... I would get out of bed in the morning and find her already at the computer out hunting and I would sing " My girls a Gamer Chick, I really love her so... she always wants to play... She never ever says no..."

I liked the song alot and i was making a DJ movie at the time so i decided to record it when i was working on some other songs for the movie..

I had an idea that maybe it could be put on the juke boxes in Entropia and i could make some ped everytime it was played... I sent the track to mindark and they really liked it, but for some reason they didnt want to Monetize the jukeboxes, so i asked them to add it to the juke boxes anyway at no cost, i just wanted people to hear it.

It's hard to explain what it was like after the VU came along that added Gamer Chick to the jukeBoxes, but for a few weeks, whenever I TP'd to a town with a juke box, Avatars were dancing around them to Gamer Chick. word got around that it was NEVERDIE's song about Island Girl and Entropia had its first Pop Star...

Kinda funny I dont think an MMO had ever had a celebrity Pop icon before, who emerged from within the culture... Power gamers and PK'ers, but not Pop stars...

funny thing is in Real Life that same year Tina had her own hit record "To the Club" recorded under the name Spankox,
it was a World Wide Smash Hit club anthem, unfortunately she didnt make any money from it either...

it was a tough year for both of us however, Tina was sick, the movie I was working on was dragging on and on. I even Blew all NEVERDIE's uber equipment on a botched attempt to buy Treasure Island to turn into a Nightclub to promote my movie HEY DJ!

then in Feb 05 Tina died and things looked pretty bleak........

That was almost three years ago. That was without doubt the most intense period of my life... And before I carry on with my story as it unfolds, before I take u to Hollywood with me as I start my battle again to make a NEVERDIE movie, I want to share with you the details of what happened after Tina died...

I documented that period of my life in the same way i am about to document "The adventures of NEVERDIE in Hollywood" and I'm going to post it here Coz we need to understand the past before we can truly set off into the future...

[NEVERDIE]

The First Day of the Rest of our lives


02/27/05


I can’t think of a better place to start a story than at the end, because the end is always the beginning of something new.

Today is the end of my old life, one week ago, my Soul mate Tina-Leiu died, she was the mother of our five year old Son, Taliesin, we had been together for just over six years, together almost everyday. Sleeping together, eating together and working together.
Seven days ago I came home from work to find a call informing me that she had been admitted to Emergency while visiting my mother in the Bahamas, I was immediately filled with dread, because I knew how fragile her life was, she had been recovering for a year from a flu induced bout of myacarditis, and of late, she had seemed to be losing ground, despite the good bill of health her heart specialist had given her.

My family and I arranged for an airlift back to a Miami hospital, but Tina died before
She could be moved. Before that final call came I worried deeply for her, I knew
There was a possibility of brain damage if she survived and so there was perhaps
A sense of relief when my mother broke the news to me over the phone. A dark pit opened in my heart as all my guilt flooded into my blood and I begged for her forgiveness for all my sins……

I flew to the Bahamas the next morning to be with my son, a quick search on the internet
Yielded the advice to be straight forward… Almost as soon as I saw him, he asked where mommy was. I told him immediately, it flooded out, I needed to share this with him, my sister appeared and Taliesin ran into one of the bedrooms and hid in the closet. I coaxed him out and we hugged, he quickly stopped crying and wanted to play… for the next 12 hours he insisted that he if he wished and prayed she would come back to life in 5 days.
I’m the kind of guy that believes anything is possible, even resurrection, but I couldn’t quite find the faith in myself to believe that was going to happen… Instead I decided an open casket would be critical for us all for closure… Tina’s Parents flew in and we had a very pretty and sweet service, Taliesin touched his mother’s cold skin and I kissed her lips. We both knew there would be no resurrection in this body. A Wedding cameraman filmed the service and afterwards there was a small wake…. By that time
I was feeling at peace with myself, my son was strong and not preoccupied by what had happened, my Demons had been banished, perhaps by the loving presence of Tina, that I could feel. I felt like she was hovering near me, rubbing against me, horny as hell, She
Obviously didn’t blame me…In Miami the next day I said to Taliesin, “it’s you and me now we have to be smart and careful. Can you imagine how I would feel if you died?”
“Sad” he said “yes and what would you do if I died?” I asked “…I could do anything I want” he said “go anywhere in the city…. But I wouldn’t have the car keys.”

I knew then, this was not to be the beginning of a bond borne of fear and sadness but the start of a relationship born of love, respect and freedom, much like the relationship I had with Tina. It made me laugh a lot… Despite the fact that I have not been very active as a father, I knew that being a dad was exactly what I was gonna be now a single dad, despite that Tina’s family were more than eager to look after him, like they have been doing for half his life. I knew that my soul would be dependent on our going through this together and me changing my life to accommodate him…. We flew to Oregon on Friday
For a second funeral service on Saturday for all Tina’s Samoan relatives, Saturday night we hopped right back on the red eye and now here we are Sunday the 27th, one week from the day Tina Died, the end of my physical relationship with her and the beginning of our spiritual relationship and the also the first day of the Rest of my life with my son.

The first real challenge of the day came at around 1.30 pm, I was exhausted from the week and the traveling, but Taliesin wanted to go to chucky cheeses, I bitched and moaned and plead for him to understand that I was drained, but he insisted that I had promised.

Given that it was the first promise I had made in this new life, I had to follow through…
And to my surprise Chucky Cheeses, really is a pretty cool place for a single dad…
Lots of pretty moms floating around, lots of games for the kids to play without you and
With a notebook and a cell phone, one could even be productive…

I’m optimistic that everything is gonna work out just fine….. And that is how the end is the beginning and the beginning is the end and now the question on all of our minds is …So what happens next? That’s it, I have no idea, but I think it’s gonna be interesting, so lets find out.


3/1/05

Taliesin started school today Pre-K. I asked him what did you love most about mommy?
He said “Remember when she use to curl her hair? …I liked that coz when I wanted to ask her a question I could ring her curls like a doorbell.” Pretty wild for him to say that….

Tina’s Passing could be viewed as the ultimate tragedy, Beautiful and wonderful young woman, with a blossoming career, five year old son and a loving relationship dies suddenly. If it were not for the fact that I view life as a very sophisticated game and that we are the players, I think I would be completely devastated, but instead, I feel that destiny is at work.

My heart aches though…. I’m also Horny… that’s the truth… I’m gonna need a girlfriend pretty soon.



3/3/05

I just had someone look at the house, but I’m not sure I want to rent it out… Income is barely a trickle though. So I gotta be smart and flexible.

I combed through my email address book and stumbled on a cute girl I had met in Germany a couple of years ago, I emailed her a quick hello, turns out she is in Toronto just finishing a nanny job, sounds just like what the doctor ordered.

I have an audition tomorrow, for Miami Vice the Movie. I haven’t auditioned for anything in a couple of years. Maybe Tina’s guardian Spirit can pull some strings for me.
I’m gonna go shave my head for the audition now.

3/8/05

I dyed my hair platinum for the audition, psyched myself up and still sucked…
Looks like I’m stuck with trying produce my own hit… so what’s new?

I made it through Taliesin’s first week of school and so did he. On Sunday night we had a little wake at the house for some of Tina’s Miami Girlfriends… on the other side of the states, in Venice Beach, a bunch of our friends got to together for a prayer and a smoke on the beach… I just got the pictures from that, shed a tear.

Taliesin and I miss her very much, but we’re doing good, we ain’t morose or miserable…
I’m tryin’ to figure out which way to go next in my life. The Movie DJ Hound Dog (US title) premieres in LA at the method fest 2nd of April… I think it will be a nice screening, but it’s not a hot enough platform to launch it…. I’ll be lucky if I get a lead out of the screening to figure out the next step…. The Euro premiere is in Amsterdam in May. That will be the Launch for Europe, but at the moment I don’t feel particularly connected to it all…. Man I wish I could just act in studio movies right now, get rid of all this pressure to make stuff and distribute it… Just develop my craft and build my name.

So back to the single dad business, Taliesin hangs out quite a bit with his friend Alec, so I took my turn at the weekend to watch them both… I tried watching them at the pool at Alecs’ building, but I ended becoming the pirate ship for about 8 kid’s including one little girl who would lock her arms around my neck so tight, I had to use brute force to break free…. I had a good time though and felt good that I was taking my turn.

I’m kinda having second thoughts about inviting the Girl Julia to stay, it look like I will have to buy her ticket back to Europe now, because she will over stay her original ticket.
The only reason I’m keeping going on this is….. I don’t have any girls around to charm me or tease me, I need the levity and she is cute and young.
If nothing else she’ll drive me mad for a week. And I’ll be glad to be rid of her.


I am fighting a bit of Depression at the moment, I feel like America just isn’t receptive enough to my movie to make the movie a hit and I really don’t know how to launch it.
Also of course it’s sinking in how lucky I was to have Tina in my life. I logged into
Project-Entropia the virtual universe, where Tina and I have many friends, and a guy started messaging me with this funny rhyme, about not giving up… how it may just be one step away…. It really caught me at the right moment… so I shall keep marching on boldly. One foot in front of the next and just see what’s around the corner.

[NEVERDIE]

3/09/05

I lost my Honey…. For a little while there I had it all, I thought that I didn’t have it all, I thought that I needed fame…. But I really had it all already…. Even with fame it wouldn’t be complete without the love that I already had…

But it’s not gone, it never will be, I still feel the love and it will never be lost…

By some miracle, Tina’s Spirit is fighting for me… I got a call back for the Miami Vice Movie…. 10:45 am… the casting director is gonna work with me…. I get another shot…
This is only happening because of Tina’s passing…. Her Agent was at her wake and thought I might be right for a part……….

I have to tap into my creative juices tomorrow…. I have been working for 20 years to be ready for this opportunity…. I never even thought I would get a chance like this and now it comes as a parting gift from Tina, help me god, to live up to this…………

I suggested to Tina to blow softly into the directors’ ear when he sees the casting footage,
Maybe that will get me the part.

I’m watching a movie, with a tender love story and I know my heartbreak is real.

I am strong, I find so much meaning and strength in my love for Tina and Taliesin, but I am deeply affected. I loved her so.

3/11/05

Taliesin claimed to have a cold as I was taking him to school, prior to my call back audition for Miami Vice, so instead of dropping him off and disregarding his cold,
I let him come back home with me… he started messing around with a cardboard box, pretending it was a movie cam and he filmed me as I practiced lines for the audition…
He even started directing my performance and told me what clothes to wear, so I decided to take his direction and also bring him to the audition with me…. He was a welcome distraction and I think helped me to stay relaxed. The audition went smoothly, the casting director took the time to get what she felt was needed on tape… So I finally left feeling
Like I had not choked… On the way home Taliesin said he wants to direct movies…… I like to see this, because this is his first concerted effort to define his artistic direction

Meanwhile I searched adult friend finder.com to find hot local women looking for sex….
(Since I have no time to go out looking for them)
Also still flirting with the idea of bringing Julia down from Toronto, she sent me a couple of pics, she is cute…

The Loss of Tina is simply to immense for me to dwell too much upon, I really have to see it as a matter of destiny and Fate and make the most of it…

She was just a beautiful, Beautiful woman. I was blessed……

3/12/05

At an ice cream parlor Taliesin gave Anna, a very cute woman his mom’s cell phone number, so she could call him and take him to see the pixar movie Robots…. I was hoping she’d call so I could go to 

3/13/05

I hooked up with a girl from adultfriendfinder, we met for a drink, then I got her back to the house and she gave me a massage, but she really was a turn off.……Afterwards I went out with my friends to THE FORGE, I danced till 4am with a sweet German girl, we flirted a lot, but I didn’t push it. I drank too much wine and it took 2 days for me to get back on my feet, I thought I was gonna die, I wrote a will and made Taliesin sign as my witness.


3/17/05

Locked my final picture on my Movie DJ Hound Dog aka HEY DJ!

Taliesin says to me in the car “I wanna tell u something, I never thought it would end this way, I thought it would end when I was all grown up… But it did end this way!
Then he says “I’m gonna get a rock and throw it up so high it can knock her right back down to Earth”

Then he says “except she’ll be a spirit and she fall right through the ground”

3/21/05

I’m waiting to pick up DJ Ago from the airport; he’s my European partner on the movie HEY DJ! And also he produced Tina’s Hit Record “to the club…”

I dreamt last night about Miami Vice, this morning Merris called to say the call back would be on the 30th – 31st, it may interfere with my trip to LA for the premiere of HEY DJ, but I figure that’s ok, it’s worth it.

I miss my Lovely girl………..Life is cruel, what do all the advances in medical science count for now…. Well that’s not fair to say, I guess medical science bought her the extra year of her life…. I told her a few times she was living on borrowed time… I guess I was right.

Taliesin went to Spring Break Camp today at Sea World, or whatever they call it and he’s gonna spend the night at his friend Alecs’ So I can hang with the boys tonight and see what plans they have for my movie.

I’m possibly a little depressed and financially strapped, I wonder if it’s gonna get worse before it gets better… My business seems to be on its last legs too, I wonder if its gonna be the next thing to die… To be safe I should be renting the house out, I just find it a little hard to do.. Coz after all I need somewhere to live, as does my son.

A Doctor friend in the Bahamas is trying to stay on top of the Bahamian Doctors RE Tina’s Autopsy, it’s not certain that it will be a Heart issue that actually triggered her demise, in which case, I may not have a case against her heart specialist. That’s just bad luck really…I mean Tina and I went to him one month before she died to say we were extremely worried for her life and he dismissed our fears he categorically said “ She isn’t going to die”… Then he refuses to even admit her, that night she died, stating that her condition is not heart related…. I don’t get it……………..
Who should we have gone to? Should she just have gone to her GP?


3/25/05

Mine and Tina’s music is available for digital Download through iTunes.com worldwide,
sometimes I log on and check to see what music people have bought along with my tracks, usually there are only a few other songs listed… When I checked Hound Dog man yesterday… I noticed the list of songs other people who had bought my tracks had grown… So I glanced at the list to make sure it wasn’t stuff I had bought, because of course I buy my own music… Anyway on the list was a track from the Finding Neverland soundtrack album called “Why did she have to die?” that kind of struck me as odd, I wondered if perhaps someone who had known Tina had bought my track, I also found on the list a track by Tina Turner that’s seemed to be about Losing someone… So I instinctively bought both these tracks myself…. I cried as I listened to the Neverland track, a beautiful piano piece and then I started to listen to the Tina Turner track called something beautiful remains, about the love that survives after a loved one dies….
It was a touching moment for me and I wondered how these two tracks had appeared on this list, that’s when I glanced at the Tina Turner album cover and in addition to Tina Turner’s big smile, that is reminiscent of my Tina’s Smile, were the words “All The Best – Tina….” Kinda like how u might sign the end of a note “all the best - jon” And I was struck that my Tina was sending me the message “Something beautiful remains, she had sent me these songs, it was a sign from her…

Look for that album cover and you will see what I mean… That was so far my clearest message from Tina. The other is the gift of the film part. Today a leaf dropped from a tree onto my shoulder, they say if you catch a falling leaf you can make a wish I rarely succeed, so it was a beautiful thing for it to land on my shoulder… Of course you know what I wished for 

Merris, Tina’s agent called today, we have to Fed Ex my headshot to LOS Angeles tomorrow, urgently for the Miami Vice role.

Financially I’m on the edge, I think I have in hand just enough to pay the mortgage for April, I’m waiting for someone to come over now, to possibly rent the Guest cottage…
I need every dime at the moment.

Today in the car, Taliesin said, “ Now mom’s gone, I can never have a brother” He used to ask her for one occasionally I too am a little saddened that we couldn’t have another child, a little Tina, would have been sweet, I was going to call her Mylu (short for my little You) but if we had had another child, I don’t think she would have accomplished all that she did…I am very much at peace that it was Destiny, to leave at this time…
There was no saving her…. Her time was up…Already her spirit is touching people.

The Developers of project-Entropia, have built Tina a Shrine inside the Virtual World and all the gamers are leaving flowers and items in tribute, there is a statue in the likeness of Tina’s Avatar and when you click on it, you can read her story and hear her song Island girl… It’s truly historic, actually, the first memorial in a populated virtual world… Tina’s legend is growing.

This is the week of the Winter Music Conference in Miami and Ago my Euro producing partner on HEY DJ is in town, he’s been having lots of distribution meetings… Things are definitely unfolding… I would say this movie is on track to penetrate deeper than anything I have done before, but if it has any real impact on my career, remains to be seen.

[NEVERDIE]

3/30/05

This has been the week of the Winter Music Conference, which Tina and I talked about a lot, we were contemplating screening the film here, she was also going to meet various DJ’s… Unbelievable that she would not even live to see the day….

Ago who is my Euro partner on the film HEY DJ and who produced Tina’s Hit Song to the Club has been in town promoting the movie…He has a very credible sales guy on the job and I feel confident they will set up some good deals… Dj Carl Cox, had a private screening at his Miami Pad and thought it was brilliant and agreed to promote it.

Ago hit me up with some Big News, supposedly the Cannes Film festival are seriously considering it. But what casts doubt for me is that he really wanted me to pull the film from screening at the Method fest, so I feel there is some manipulation going on…. However there was one indisputable omen, to endorse the Cannes Possibility, that was we were at an Easter party on Sunday, and we met two very cute girls Cheri and Tatiana, Cheri is half Native American half African American, very exotic and sexy, she really turned me on. Also her birthday is the same day as Tina’s and she is from Memphis Tennessee, both of which are good signs… Anyway after the party the two girls came back to my house with their friend… and their friend was wearing a Cannes film festival T. Shirt… I’ve never even seen one before so that has to constitute a sign. Also Tatiana wore it last night, when we all met for drinks… So perhaps it will come to pass.

So Cheri, whose name is short for Cherokee and I hit it off, pretty good, we might see some more of each other. She’s a singer and very sexy and attractive, she lives in NY, I am thinking of inviting her to come to back to Miami for a week after I get back from the Method fest premiere…I would certainly be up for that...

The recall for Miami Vice has been postponed until next week, it seems that Director Michael Mann, won’t be in town until then, that will be great if I get to meet him. But in the meantime, I’m auditioning for a TV pilot with Jennifer Lopez? Jut a small role as a photographer. This could work out pretty good for me if I can start auditioning for decent roles here in Miami.

Only other thing to mention is that I drank too much at Easter and got the flu… So I’m reminded to not drink…that also put a stop to hooking up with Cheri again this week.

Taliesin is doing good. We’re off to Los Angeles together tomorrow, that will be quite an adventure.


- later

The casting Directors were very nice and I think that they were happy with the audition today, even though I know it lacked imagination on my part. I need to be less obvious with my choices… However I genuinely think they want to cast me in a small role in some TV pilot called South beach….

As I was making the bed tonight, preparing for Cheri to come and visit, even though I’m really too sick with Flu, I had this vision of Guardian Angel Tina, untucking the sheets on one side as I was tucking them on the other… I also think she gave me the flu, to prevent me from hooking up with Cheri again…. But I see this as comedic, a funny story about a jealous Guardian Angel, who is doing everything to help her Man and son, but cant stand him seeing other women and trying to mess it up…. I imagine she was beside herself when she heard Cheri had the same birthday as her….. I think there’s a good movie in this… And I will continue to write here, to provide material for the script.
So here I am off to LA tomorrow morning for the Premiere of the US Version of my movie… Ago really doesn’t want me to screen it…he hates not being in control, He’s doing a great job, but boy is he manipulative, gotta watch him.

Anyway I’m thrilled that Cheri is coming by, even though I’m too sick to fool around with her, but she’s very sexy, great legs, very desirable.

4/5/05

Okay I’m back from LA, where the US premiere of my movie took place, as I anticipated; there weren’t many people there, s\due to limited promotion. However the film looked and sounded good and the audience loved it. Afterwards I sang a duet live with Annabella Lwin, my friend who is the lead singer of Bow Wow Wow. Everyone seemed to think I held my own on stage, it was really quite fun.

Now I’m back from LA, still no money has come in; I’m paying this month’s mortgage by selling one of Neverdie’s (my online Avatar) weapons for $2,300…

I am a bit depressed but I think I want to keep the house still, so I’m gonna rent the cottage.

The film was invited to play at a small film festival in Seattle; DJ hound Dog will be the closing film… They will try to get it reviewed, so I’m happy about that.

Besides that I can’t stop thinking about Cheri, she came over the night before I left to LA and we spent a few hours fooling around in bed, we didn’t quite consummate it, but we were close 

Anyway, I’m having strange ideas about our relationship, I mean I know I just met her, but I kinda just want to dive right in. She’s beautiful Smart and talented, and she has an amazingly beautiful body…. Is it any wonder? No seriously I will confess. I’m thinking hell, I’ll marry this girl, if she and I keep fitting together the way we have so far, maybe I should marry her… I mean otherwise how will she know I’m serious… and after all I got a kid, why would anyone want to get involved with a single Dad unless it’s serious.

I feel like because I met her on Easter, which is the day of the resurrection and because she shares Tina’s birthday OCT 26th, then it is a sign, that love is being resurrected in my life…Also I think she has Tina’s blessing….

Anyway this could just be a whole lotta nonsense and I will delete this paragraph later after she dumps me or indeed this may come to be….. who knows, but I have an obligation to share with you the insane thoughts running through my head…… So let’s see if this is LOVE.

PS. Excuse me if I’m off my rocker 

4/7/2005

I took Taliesin for a swim at a friend of Tina’s house and as we arrived a real estate agent was placing a for rent sign outside…. To my surprise it was the girl Taliesin and I met in the Ice cream store… I think she was as shocked as us… funnily enough her cell number was right there hanging underneath the sign…. I’m not going to call her though… Because she flaked on Taliesin and I’m enamored with Cheri, no need to complicate my life… I’ve been listening closely to Cheri’s songs not only do I really like her voice but she’s a really good songwriter. I get a hard on just listening to her sing.
Twice now I had to get out the car and tried to hide the bulge in my shorts.

I received an email today inviting the film to a big festival in South Korea….
I guess it’s starting to build. At Taliesin’s school they had a career week, where the parents came into class and talked about their work, he wants me to go in and show a music video or the movie… He said today if u show the movie you have to fast forward past the sex scenes…. Where does he get it from?

I just watched finding Neverland, it sure made me cry….. I do grieve, for myself for Tina and for Taliesin… it’s something I do, when I’m struck by something, but it’s not darkness that overwhelms me, just love, its how I show my love for her now….I cry,
When I cry, I know she knows that I loved her deeply, because I know she must wonder, when I’m carried away thinking about Cheri or dreaming of the future…
She was such a beautiful person in every way…if she weren’t still in my heart, then the loss would be too much to bear….. Taliesin is so strong, it’s remarkable.
I love you Tina wherever you are.

4/9/05

Cheri says she’s wide open to me, she has no expectations, we’re having a long distance romance over the phone. She’s falling for me and I’m falling for her… I want her to be right, I’m hoping it will work, I feel she will take my life in unexpected directions.

I talk to photographs of Tina, I speak to the cover of her Album , in the photo
She’s peering over her glasses. I justify myself to her, I justify that I’m getting excited about another woman so soon..

If I’m to make another movie, there has to be more depth to it, it has to be real.
And yet somehow I always manage to make my life fantastic. That’s my reality.
Even Cheri is fantastic, she’s tall, exotic, sings beautifully, she’s smart, it’s all like a dream. Even Tina’s death is like a dream. Did it really happen? Did I really lose my love, did my son really lose his mother, shouldn’t we be suffering terribly, why are we so strong? Did her wish come true? is she Taliesin’s Guardian Angel? is she here watching over us? Is she trying to help us, is she keeping us centered, is she trying to help me get work? Or is it all a lie and she is simply gone and I’m desperately reaching out to an another woman to keep me from drowning. I’m not drowning. I am in touch with myself.
I loved Tina, and I love her Spirit…. But I will continue to live my dream

This is my dream.

[NEVERDIE]

4/12/05

I’ve been writing passionate songs with Cheri as my muse, I’m even thinking maybe there’s something about Memphis, Memphis is calling… there’s a cool guy who works at Starbucks, always tries to make sure I’m in good spirits… turns out he’s from Memphis too. Maybe there’s gonna be a HEY DJ! Sequel maybe set in Memphis. Perhaps I should start the story off with Hound Dog’s wife dying and being left with his son and he meets Cheri who introduces him to a whole new world and through it he discovers a whole new sound. I’m already planning on going to LA and recording a couple of new songs I have written about my passion for Cheri, hopefully she will sing on them too.

I’ve heard nothing from the castings, but I’m not too worried. I also showed my house to a lady today... So maybe I will rent it after all… Taliesin and I have both been struggling with flu… I got a cough and I’m congested now. Cheri is gonna go to Memphis this weekend for her sisters birthday. Then she’ll come to Miami next week. That’s good it will give me time to recover…

I put out a press release today announcing Tina’s Virtual Shrine in Project-Entropia,
I hope some magazines or websites want to do stories. Tina would love it.
I can’t abandon our causes simply because she’s not here in the flesh…
I’m really excited about my new songs... Cheri is definitely an inspiration, she’s happy too, she’s feelin’ the love and it’s getting her excited…

Ago told me they are closing a deal for the film with Scandinavia, he seems happy with the way things are going…Although he says he’s working around the clock to polish off the movie… Joe also closed a deal today. Check should arrive tomorrow, fingers crossed.
Coz, my credits maxed, this will buy me another month… My overheads are ridiculous...
$4,500 per month just to cover the bills. That’s its for my health insurance, I’m dropping that this month. I’m just not bringing in enough cash for this,

4/15/05

Still congested with flu. Cheri got her flight organized; she’s flying in Monday night from Memphis… I am really looking forward to having her here. Joe got a couple of small deals into the pipeline, so I’m optimistic I got another month covered.

4/16/05

Taliesin Spent the evening yesterday at Ivelin’s with the kids, I hung out for a while and read, very nice atmosphere. It’s great to see Taliesin playing with his friends. And Ivelin is very warm.

Everything is very quiet. No news from the castings, the film is playing in Seattle tomorrow night, but the festival publicists failed to get it reviewed. So no excitement for me. Ago says there has been deals brewing this week in Cannes. I’ll get a full update next week. But I’m certainly optimistic; we’ll be getting out across Europe, however even that doesn’t have any impact for me creatively in the short term…. I was thinking that the things that get me excited are a new role in a movie, a new song and a new woman….
Fortunately for Me, Cheri is due in town on Monday so I guess I’ll just have to channel my creative energy into her.

4/20/05

Cheri arrived on Monday, today is Wednesday. Taliesin warmed up to her straight away, we picked him up from school together. Then of course they went into a Candy store together and came out an hour later with half a pound of stuff. She said he quietly gave her the third degree later on in the house, when I wasn’t around asking her who some guy was who spoke to her in the Candy store…. He obviously likes her. The energy we have together is very smooth, I find myself fascinated by her exotic beauty and I feel peaceful around her, I know myself well enough that if that is not the case, I would be uncomfortable… Sexually she is everything I desire. Our bodies lock together. Deep inside her I touch her, in the places she most needs. I feel her completely, her juices guide me, I could tell last night, her body was craving to be impregnated, she makes me feel very alive, I want to cum deep inside her, claim her, it’s hard to resist but I must while I can, until such a time comes, if such a time comes, that she is lost to the chemistry, that we are both consumed by a force of nature, the big bang, creation, until then however we can pleasure ourselves, thrilled by the incredible synchronicity, the serendipity, the ease and balance our bodies so quickly find as they intertwine and wrestle and grapple with each other.

Pinot who is Taliesin’s friend’s father saw Cheri and I together in the Gym today, he was struck by her energy, he felt she was akin to Tina, felt like Tina her sent her to me. She obviously did, she also knew that Cheri could give me the things I was craving sexually.
There is no reason not to plunge into our relationship in the same way I plunge inside her. Her talent excites me, her looks thrill me, her Soul is warm and she is good.
I see us having fun together, we are. She is Happy too, it elevates me to see her so fulfilled.

I finally spoke to Merris today…the South Beach pilot job, flittered away, for whatever reason. Actually I didn’t really see myself in the role anyway… But Miami Vice still looms. The Director and crew are in town, they are currently casting stuntmen. But are not ready to do the callbacks…I want this role very much. I don’t want to pretend to be ambivalent. I want it. I intend to get it.

Hey DJ wasn’t invited to Cannes, that I actually don’t care about, I didn’t expect it to either, despite the Omens. It screened in Seattle but I have no feedback. Joe got a small deal in, so I will pay the bills tomorrow, that’s another month won.

4/22/05

Last night Cheri started getting cold feet and acting strange. She was feeling overwhelmed, kinda freaked me out too. We were making love, then she wanted to stop, she said it was bad, but we carried on anyway I was craving to cum inside her. I made her tell me to cum and I did… But then after she said she didn’t realize what I meant.
I felt stupid, I am crazy, what am I doing. We talked, she said had switched off men, until
We met…. She feels like she is getting into something, I told her she is….
I don’t know what’s going on, could be that we are falling in Love. Don’t ask me how…
I warned her of the thoughts running round my head, I wanted her to be aware. She can’t help herself though. It’s a unique situation, neither of us expected this. How did I get so lucky? I really feel like Tina guided her to me…. Taliesin likes her too. He encouraged me to buy her flowers yesterday and then today when we were out walking. I said to him, Cheri is nice isn’t she? And he said yes. Then he said a few moments later “I want a brother”. Jokingly I told him, he should tell Cheri that… But I ended up telling her myself, she smiled and said if she did, they would look similar…. She’s right… Man strange huh…………But beautiful, she makes me feel very happy, inspired, horny and loving…is that love?

4/25/05

Well here we are again, the latest news is that I got a really fun review for my movie from the Seattle Stranger.

Finally, for audiences looking for a little more straightforward sizzle, there's the closing night film, the stunningly photographed, cheerfully moronic DJ Hound Dog, about a mutton-chopped, tequila-chugging platter spinner (co-director Jon Jacobs) whose rise to the top of the Miami music scene includes plenty of medium-core nookie with a slew of ridiculously attractive women. Think of it as a Clambake or Harum Scarum for the new raved-up millennium, and know that somewhere, Col. Tom Parker is drooling. (ANDREW WRIGHT)

I’m really happy with this review, I think it’s a true indication that the movie is fun and marketable.
Today I was physically drained from a week of great sex with Cheri. We’ve had a great time and both of us are amazed that we clicked in the way that we did. We got carried away too and I just had the strangest thought, what if she gets pregnant? Last night, she rode me so good and she didn’t stop when I told her I was gonna cum, she just kept on until she was climaxing too….And what if the the fact that Cheri shares the same Bday with Tina and the fact that we met on Easter Sunday, the day of the resurrection is a sign that Tina is going to re-incarnate into mine and Cheri baby….. I mean it would make sense, Tina would love to be Taliesin’s sister, she would also love to inherit Cheri’s exotic looks and most importantly her great vocal chords, and finally she would have the coolest most supportive parents……………………Man u must all think I’m a lunatic… don’t worry I think I’m a lunatic too.

However I did decide that if Cheri gets pregnant I will be embrace the idea… I mean u know some things you just don’t plan… I didn’t plan to meet her and neither of us could help ourselves from taking our lovemaking all the way.. But I don’t wish that she gets pregnant, I’m just saying if…

4/26/05

Good morning… So last night after writing, I followed my own train of thought and realized, heck if I’m crazy enough to consider having a child with Cheri after knowing her for only a few weeks, then I should be willing to marry her… So, then I figured I should ask her now, instead of waiting to see if she gets pregnant or something… Believe me I beat around the bush for a few minutes explaining my logic, I asked her what would she do if she found out she was pregnant, she didn’t know, which is very different to her saying she would abort it immediately or something like that,
I really think I detected a genuine openness in her to me and this whole relationship, so I proposed to her….. And guess what? It felt good. I told her I think I could just let myself fall in love with her. I told her, I felt deep affection as I was making love with her… Anyway I’m pretty proud of myself, coz the whole marriage thing is kinda mushy and too sentimental for me, but in her case it’s the whirlwind nature of it that makes it sexy. Also I think if we were to have a child it would be good to be married. I mean I wasn’t married to Tina and I don’t want to make that a pattern. I can show my commitment.

Also Cheri, really has told me, she really wasn’t looking to be involved with anyone, she wasn’t even excited about sex, coz she hasn’t had a lover who has blown her away. And we’re talking about a beautiful, smart, witty, Inventive and talented girl, with a gorgeous body. And here I am, I just had the pleasure of rushing her off her feet and makin’ her do stuff, she never would have expected, which turns me on and is a great compliment to me… I gotta be at least smart enough to know, that it is Special, And what do you do when you find something Special like a rare exotic flower?

A) Admire it’s beauty then walk away satisfied?
B) Pluck it and show it off, till it dries up and dies?
C) Dig it up and take it home, then replant it and nurture it, so you can admire it everyday?

I guess I picked C….

I am not telling anyone, unless she accepts. And even then, this ain’t gonna be easy to explain.
Uh Cheri was pretty touched, I could tell, she said when she was in Memphis only a few days ago her aunt and Grandma, looked at her straight in the eye and said “Are you ever gonna get married and have kids?”
I think at that moment she really didn’t know if she ever would.

So lets see what she says…………………………..

Holy shit, I just read back a few pages and read that I was thinking about marrying her before she even came back to Miami…. I completely and utterly forgot about that Wow!!!!

While I was writing this, Taliesin picked up his magic 8 ball and asked it if Cherry loved me, he said the answer was yes…. That was completely out of the blue.

I just looked back through this again and I noticed a possible mistake, Tina’s Birthday isn’t OCT 26th, it’s September 26th, So Cheri is not the same day as Tina, now I’m confused is Cheri born in September or Oct? ………………..hmmm interesting….that would make her a Scorpio, not a Libra, a whole different kettle of fish…. The plot grows thicker….

I talked to Cheri, she was on the plane getting ready to take off back to New York, her birthday is Sept 26th same day as Tina’s… I just got back from the beach and I started thinking maybe we should have a big party to celebrate our wedding in Memphis, if she chooses to marry me..
Cheri suggested Graceland at first I thought it might be too cheesy, but hey maybe that would rock!

Taliesin got a fever today, I gave him some Tylenol and dropped him at school, coz wanted to work out, when I picked him up, he look really weak so I took him to the doctors. His temperature was 104.5 , he was delirious. poor kid. He had to have a couple flu shots… We had to put him in a straight jacket to control him, he fought so hard.

Joe got another little deal in today so that will cover the June bills… I’m low on surplus cash but at least I’m staying afloat… Go Joe, he’s rocking… I’m starting to feel optimistic, he can turn it around. Although we will need some big deals if were to actually get stuff done.

Highlights of the week included a boat trip with Pinot, Taliesin, Alec and Cheri along the coast up to Fort Lauderdale. Cheri was brave enough to try a swimming lesson in the choppy sea. Another really nice day was spent at Craig’s House with his girlfriend Ambra and all the kids and Taliesin, Cheri and I swam and also relaxed in Craig’s steam room.

So Cheri is now due back in Miami to sing at an Art Event organized by Craigs’ girlfriend Ambra, it’s a show featuring an installation by a really talented Trio from NEW York called Starlene These guys also want to make a Zombie movie and have been talking to me about it.